Thursday, July 29, 2004


On CNN: "Where are the balloons? Where are the fucking balloons? What are you people doing up there? I want all the balloons! Go balloons! Go Balloons! All balloons! Hold confetti. Go balloons!" Come on FCC - I hear a big fine a comin'. Boy are the Republicans going to phone this one in. Go Balloons!

A/C Redux

So we (by we I mean M.E. did while I stood around and watched) put in a new compressor and dryer into the Mazda Protégé last night. Stupid dryer didn't come with the O-rings, so we had to drive 1 billion miles in order to get them. Fun, fun. I got to see downtown Canton, GA. Yee-haw lil' dawgies! Thems is sure some purrty stores and all. What I learned yesterday, that I will know forever, that somehow makes me seem way more knowledgeable than I am, about cars. Be impressed: We didn't put the PAG-X oil in though (because I didn't know what in the hell I was doing) so I have to undo the low pressure line to the compressor and fill it with about 4oz of the PAG-46 synthetic I bought down at Napa - once that is done, I can charge the system with freon (r134a) but only through the high side intake, because if I do it through the low side, the freon could drip into the compressor causing damage due to hydro locking. We didn't lubricate the dryer, but that should be okay - I hope. We also should have evacuated the lines before slapping the whole thing together, but we didn't see any metal shavings. It seems the compressor didn't get shredded, rather, it seems like the magnetic clutch is messed up. Probably a bad sensor or something. Better to replace the whole unit. We didn't find an orifice tube to replace - why would we, of course, when there isn't one.    Sweet, huh?

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Florida Constitution is a Chunk

Thanks to Abstract Appeal for getting me reading the Florida Constitution. What a pile of crud some of it is! (The FL Const. not Abstract Appeal) According to the official Florida Senate site the Florida Constitution is - "an organized system of fundamental principles for the government of the state. It is of a permanent and general nature and originates from the people rather than from the Legislature." Sounds nice, and is, but of course, it is also how we get into this mess. We seem to be keeping up the 'originates from the people' part, but the 'general nature' seems to be getting lost. I am not yet in law school, and I may be missing the subtleties of the laws here, but it seems the constitution is being pumped full of statues and provisions and do-hickeys and kerplumphs that seem to me to not be very constitutional-ish. It turns out that you just need enough signatures in order to get an amendment added to the ballot, and if it passes, it is in the constitution. That seems way too easy. Too easy because these things sound good to most voters - Protect the coastline? Sure! What about the Everglades? You bet! How about a high speed train? Wow, high tech. Count me in! Smoke free workplace? Yes! How about making sure little piggies are treated well? Their little snout noses and curly tails, why they are practically a national treasure! Some items that sure don't seem general to me: SECTION 16.  Limiting Marine Net Fishing. -- Basically it does what it says. This may be great or whatever in protecting the wonders of the Florida ecosystem - sure - why not? But a part of the constitution? Doesn't seem very general. SECTION 17.  Everglades Trust Fund.-- Again, let's keep Florida beautiful, but I'm reminding you, this is the constitution of the state - not a statute or resolution - the constitution! Can't there be an amendment that says it is okay for the congress of the state to establish trust funds for state use as it sees fit? Then we use our representative elected government to enact and possibly repeal the statutes that we see fit? SECTION 19.  High speed ground transportation system.-- I kid you not! Please read the part of the statute and tell me if you think this is constitution worthy: To reduce traffic congestion and provide alternatives to the traveling public, it is hereby declared to be in the public interest that a high speed ground transportation system consisting of a monorail, fixed guideway or magnetic levitation system, capable of speeds in excess of 120 miles per hour, be developed and operated in the State of Florida... General? Speeds in excess of 120 miles per hour... seems pretty specific to me. SECTION 20.  Workplaces without tobacco smoke.-- Again, sounds great, but not very general. SECTION 21.  Limiting cruel and inhumane confinement of pigs during pregnancy.-- The best one yet! Only during pregnancy? (a)  It shall be unlawful for any person to confine a pig during pregnancy in an enclosure, or to tether a pig during pregnancy, on a farm in such a way that she is prevented from turning around freely. Yes, pigs and other animals should be treated humanely, however, does this belong in the document which provides for the base foundation of law across the state? Fun stuff. 

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

When it Rains, it Poor Me...

So I'm driving around this weekend. A.M. - Cold air from A/C - P.M. - Warm-ass muggy-ass air from A/C. That's cool though... I mean, I am only driving down to Miami in a couple of weeks - you don't need A/C there, right? Shit. $1200 bucks to get it fixed. Crap. So one of my saviors at work, he says: "Oh hell no, man! You go and buy the parts and we'll put it in ourselves." By this he means, of course, he'll put them in and let me hold a ratchet or two. Very, very, very nice guy. Very helpful. Then I talk to a friend from South Florida who tells me if we do it ourselves, we may really fuck things up because you have to fill from the high end (freon) vs. the standard way of: from the low end. Problem is, low end is like 40psi, while the high end is like 250psi. So we need special gauges for the high end - at this point I realize how utterly worthless I am because although I can get the gist, I have no idea what anything really means or takes to complete. I have a college degree, and people pay me money to do stuff, but I'd be dead outside the building. We'd still be living, naked, in caves if it were up to me to innovate. We'd be eating dirt, no fire, and dying  very young. I'm so disappointed in myself. And now it is off to law school - I don't see how law would get me out of the cave.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Ricky Williams!!!

F! Ricky Williams is retiring! I finally get to live near where my Dolphins play, and he pulls this shit. So what he smoked some weed? I don't care. Come on Ricky. One more year. Boston, Chambers, Feel.. er... Fiedl... Okay, I understand - no QB. I'd retire too. See ya Rick. Looks like I'll be taking Travis Minor in the first round of Fantasy Football. Damn.

Friday, July 23, 2004


So, my boss' boss' boss comes up to me the other day and says: You know, you are going to be like 6 or 7 years in the hole if you quit and go to law school. This is the guy who hired me. He was a nice guy who we all liked when I first started, but as he climbs the ranks, he has become less enjoyable to talk with. I sold my house, my wife is already down in Miami, I have started to train others in my work - why would he say this to me? This was the same guy who said, before he knew I wasn't going to go part-time locally that, he too, had pondered going into law school and that it was a good choice for me. He didn't say the 6 or 7 year in the hole statement as a friend or out of concern for me - rather, his words were purely selfish. The Company is going through some tough times right now, and some good people are jumping ship. He has a lot of crap going on, sure, but did he think this was the best course of action to take in trying to keep me. Is this how he wants to end an otherwise enjoyable relationship? It only serves to make me all the more happy to give my official letter of resignation this Monday. Woo whoo! And what did he mean by in the hole? Money-wise, yeah, big hit for the first few years, but quality of life for the next 30? I'm hoping that this is a good move. Back down to S. Florida - family - happy JD - chance to learn something that can lead me in new directions - I don't think that is being in the hole. Lame. Update: He stopped by my cube and informed me he had a lot going on, and that he was only joking. Joking? Yeah, good one. I'd be pissed to see me go too :-)

Thursday, July 22, 2004

No Law School For Me, Suckers!

Well, I was already to start law school in a few weeks. Job was going to get my two weeks notice, final dinner with friends and well-wishers, and I was packing up the car. I was getting pretty excited and all, but then, the opportunity of a lifetime came, unsolicited, to me in an email this morning. Why to me? Well, the person who sent it, has heard, through various ways, that I am an honest and honorable person. It’s true, I am (as long as we aren’t talking paying for software or music).   It seems that a man working for an ‘unnamed’ oil company in ‘my country’ was working for yet another ‘unnamed’ oil company in Nigeria. As fate would have it, he, his wife, and his two children were killed in what was described as a “Ghastly motor accident along Sagamu Express road”. Terrible. Well, as they say, when you are given lemons, make lemonade. In this case it is kind of different because this guy and his family were given lemons (I like to think they were carrying them in the motor vehicle with them when it was crushed) and now I will drink the sweet, sweet, pink lemonade (pink because it was mixed with all the blood and stuff from the nasty accident on the Sagamu Express).   Anyway – It seems these fine folks had over “Nine Million American Dollars” (the caps. are as they were in the email – I thought it might be a title to a screenplay or book perhaps, but nope, we are talking real money! Wow!) in an ‘unnamed bank’ in ‘your country’. The gentleman sending me the email has tried for two years to find a next of kin for these poor people, and their lonely money. Alas, he has failed. Here comes my lemonade –   He wants me, because I am honest and honorable, to act as the next of kin (of course, he assures me this is very legal as long as we fill out the proper paper work – whew – who knew?). Once I contact him, he’s going to send me the papers, and then wire the ‘Nine Million American Dollars’ into my account (I hope the banks stay stable, as the FDIC will only cover me up to the first 100K – yikes!). He would like a cut, of course, but only 30%. This leaves me with over 6 million bucks to use for ‘yourself or charity’. Charity? Yeah, right!   So, as you can see, I don’t have any financial worries anymore. Sure, law school wasn’t about the money, but now that I have 6.3 million on its way, I don’t think my heart would be in to it. I’m not even going to try and get my deposit back from the school. They can keep my 300 bucks. There, that’s the charity.   I can’t wait to tell my family! But I'm not going to tell them until I get the money. I plan on taking them out for a nice steak dinner when I break the news.    Oh yeah, one more thing, the gentleman who sent this email needs my bank account number and pin, as well as the current balance, you know, so everything can be done all legal and all.   First order of business when I get me that money (and after my steak dinner) – I’m going to Nigeria to lay a wreath at the site of the ghastly motor accident on the Sagamu Express. It’s the least I can do. Sweet.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Top Ten Things I Probably Won't Hear at Orientation

10. This year, instead of sections were are going shirts and skins. Last name A through M shirts, N through J skins.    9. We have hidden plastic Easter eggs throughout campus. Find one filled with candy – enjoy.  Find one with a golden ticket – welcome to law review!   8. Tuition, smu-ition. Pay whatever you can.   7. Don’t tell the ABA, but we had to sell all the books in the library to pay for the kick-ass waterslide you guys have been riding all morning.   6. No exams for students who can eat their weight in pickles.   5. Suits out. Overalls in.   4. Don’t forget to stop by the student bookstore to exchange your vouchers for your man-servants.   3. Welcome to my island fortress. Here, the only law you will learn is the law of survival – where the hunters have become the hunted. Bwah, ha, ha, ha. Sleep well tonight, for tomorrow, the games begin!   2. At the end of each week, you will be given a test in each class. Subsequent tests are not cumulative. These will count for 90% of your final grade.

1. Remember, the dean’s door is always open to you students – snatch the golden fleece from within, and you become the new dean.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

More on Law School From a Guy Who Has Never Been to Law School

Some people are asking how many pages a week they have to read in their 1L. Why? This seems to me to be a pretty lame question. Seems that they are already setting themselves up for slacking. Stuff like this: 200 a week x 10 minutes a page = 34 hours. What good is this? Does anyone have any clue. The first few weeks it might take an hour to read 5 pages. What are calculations like this meant to do? If you are already trying to figure out where to get some free time from, I think you are already in the hole. You know how much time I plan to spend a day on law school? Beats me. I'll tell you this much, year one, I'll try to spend not a minute less than I need to. If this means cutting out at 5, great. If it means staying 'till 11... fine. I have quit a very nice job for a chance at changing my life - I can suck it up for a few years. Everything on TV makes it to DVD eventually anyway.   So far, here is the advice and plan I think I'll try to stick with (with having no real clue yet):  
  1. Treat it like a full-time job. Get there in the AM, stay until the PM, and get my work done.
  2. Work on my own outlines. And start them early.
  3. If I do find a study group, don't stay in it if there is more gossip than studying.
  4. Compete against myself.
  5. Remember to take the time to show JD I love her.
  6. Stay healthy.
  7. Pay attention in class (no surfing)

If it takes me 150 pages or 500 pages a week to get this stuff, so be it. However, I do know that time studying doesn't equate to good grades. It is the quality of the time spent studying. Being at the library until 12am does not a top student make.


I Love These Guys

I will never get sick of reading this.   For background, read this.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Update your web page, Law School

Doesn't the law school know I don't have anything better to do with my time? All I'm asking for is one simple update of their webpage a day. Don't they know that the law students are chomping at the bit to get going? Doesn't the school know we are too stupid to enjoy our final last days of ignorant bliss? That we need as much info as possible. Just a tiny little morsel? Anything... Anything...   Damn you! You bastards. Fine... back to the school's webcams with me then.

Photo Tour of ATL

Not really. I spent the weekend snaping some shots of my fair city. I posted 19 pics. 3 weeks to go.

Just a sign. Nothing more.

Ah, the beauty of Atlanta, Georgia.

Some farm equipment out by Pop's Corner Market. We lived in a country town, for sure, but just about 15 miles from ATL.
Piedmont Ave. Flying Biscuit to the left, Outwrite Books to the right. Mind the gap.

The old place on Otter Creek. Nice first house. See ya little buddy.

Ah. Centenial Olympic Park. Atlanta is still really proud of the '96 olympics.

Old bike - has no meaning at all - just an old bike.

Office supplies from my cube. Maybe I'll take them with me when I leave. They match!

Where JD use to work. Not the taxidermy, just the industrial park.

Where's MARTA?

They call these the King and Queen buildings. They are at the GA-400/I-285 intersection. Landmarks. They meant we were getting closer to home.

JD's favorite building in the Atlanta area. It is pretty spiffy. I took 50 pics of it, but thought this one from inside the Buckhead Border's was nice. We never went into it, and now she is gone. We are lame.

This is near the house we bought when I didn't think I was going anywhere for a while. A year and a half later; I'm off to law school, and our niffty first home is sold. A bit sad, but all the same: Home isn't a piece of property, just houses.

Fiber at work. Not much more to say. I doubt I'll be seeing much fiber optics in law school.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Eats. Cheap ass food - no frills - good stuff. I hope we can find some holes in the wall in Miami to eat at, but I fear not. 1/2 chicken, beans, rice, cornbread - $4.99. What a deal.

The dam I spoke of earlier. No swimming or surfing, dudes.

My cube at work. Wow! How can I leave all this behind? I did a lot of cleaning in the last few days. You should have seen it earlier.

This is a bridge very close to our first apartment. It spans a small damn - Vickery Creek or something. As city as Atlanta may be, the areas around it still have a lot of country in them.

The road is GA-400. This is the Buckhead area. We drive through this building/tunnel whenever going downtown. MARTA also goes under it. Just a landmark.

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Get the Hell Here Already

Seriously. I am totally wasting my opportunity to sit back and reflect, quietly, in the last calm days before the storm. I just want to get this part - the waiting - over with and get on with it. Three weeks left at work, three weekends to go here in ATL - then its on with the show. You'd think I'd realize how precious these remaining days are. How I should sit back, chill, read a few good books, see some movies, stroll aimlessly in a museum or park... But, no. I am constantly reading and looking for all things law school. I am wasting these days. I know it. I can't help it. The anticipation, the planning, the waiting. It is killing me man! <--- maybe this post is really just about trying Blogger's new color text functionality.   P.S. When HP says estimated ship date July 23rd, do you think they are just messing with me? It will be here way sooner than that, right?

Friday, July 16, 2004

HP Care Package

I have purchased an HP laptop (notebook is the preferred term these days) and the 3-year accidental damage coverage.   For sure the world has changed.    Exclusions to accidental damage coverage:
  •    Damage due to war or nuclear incident, terrorism...

Oh well. Better back up my MP3's or I won't be jamming to the tunes on my 30 second shift digging through the radioactive rubble.

Fat boy dreaming

For years I have been a terrible sleeper. I have slept lightly, rarely dreamed, and was always the first one up. In the last week, I have completely changed. I now sleep soundly through the night and have started to dream again. Man, I missed dreaming. How sad is that? A year would go by without a single, subconscious, nocturnal, notion… and now, in an instant, they have returned. I wonder why…   Maybe because I no longer take work home with me. This is in the mental sense of taking work home. I don’t actually take things to do home, but I do think about work a lot away from work. Now that I am leaving, perhaps this is falling away. If this is the case, I’m sure the dreaming will be short lived as I will soon be consumed with law school worries.   I have also changed my diet as of late. I did so because I am fat. I am not unsightly, but there is no doubt that I have poundage to loose. I think most people associate fat with lazy and stupid. If I don’t want to limit my choices after law school, I figure I have to come away with two things – 1) great grades 2) a decent physique. For the first time in 13 years I will be without gainful employment. I know law school will take most of my hours, but if I can’t use the time to better my health at the same time, I am a huge looser who should be thought of as lazy and stupid.   Here’s to stereotypes! Here’s to elliptical trainers!

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Told you so

A few posts ago I posted my schedule from the University. I said that I was surprised because it hadn't come from the law school. Rather, it came from the registrar. Well, yesterday the law school set me straight. Paraphrasing: You received a letter stating your schedule. This is not correct. While the amount of tuition is correct, the schedule will come from the law school at orientation. Why do we have to wait for orientation? I could find the books for cheaper if I knew the materials I needed now. If we wait for orientation I'll be stuck paying way too much money. This is gripe #1. New prediction: The schedule that was my schedule, but isn't really my schedule, will become (again) my schedule.

Mini About Box

I have 23 more days left in Atlanta! A mini life story seems appropriate at this point. . Grew up in South Florida. . Mom told me that at 18 my birthday gift would be a U-Haul truck, and that I was on my own when that day came (God love the dear old lady!). . After high school I went to Florida State University (in order to spite all those in authority, I refused to take a high school science course which would have given me the Florida Academic Scholars award, making college more affordable – stupid worm!). . Realized after my first semester at school that I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do with myself so I left college. . Went back to working at TGI Friday’s. . A year passed . Was offered a job managing a used jean store in Tallahassee, so I went back up – might as well take some college classes while I’m there. . A year later, used jean store was expanding. I was asked to leave college again in order to work at the expanding store. A cool 30K a year – wow, I’m rich! Yup, back then I thought 30K a year was good cash. Idiot. . Worked down in Ft. Lauderdale at used jean store for about three months. Owner put cigarette out in my Biggie Diet Coke (by accident) – it pissed me off. He was always leaving cigarette butts lying around the store. I asked (in a fit of rage): Am I expected to clean up your disgusting cigarette mess every day? He replied: You work for me, and do whatever I say. The next day I resigned with a letter saying I was seeking better opportunities that did not include cleaning up cigarette ashes (two weeks notice, of course). . Back to school determined not to leave again without a degree. . Started working at Poor Paul’s Pourhouse. A seedy bar on the Tennessee Strip at FSU. Some of the best years of my life. Get home at 4:30am, nerd-ass 8:30am classes in the Computer Science department. I was running on Taco Bell, not sleep. . Married JD. . Was offered a job in Atlanta right out of school Starting, I was making twice as much as the used jean store. . Bought a house in Atlanta. . Decided to leave Atlanta for law school

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Little Cousin Brother

So, yesterday V-Diddy said "My little cousin brother...". Apparently, in other languages there is a way to differentiate between a male or female cousin. Tio/tia in Spanish??? There isn’t an easy way to do this in English. “My cousin, who is a female…”. I found it to be funny when he said it, but it makes some sense the more I think of it. Little cousin brother – he he he he… He also said “blah, blah, blah, in front of Papa Jones’..” He meant Papa John’s. He also says "today morning" when he means "this morning". Funny. He speaks three languages pretty well; I still call in him out on these mistakes even though I just speak one. I'm trying to help him become more well rounded before he sails back to Sri Lanka. The worse part of my job is writing test cases for the testing of new features. With 3 and ½ weeks left, it has become excruciating. I have done everything but write my test cases. I don’t want to go out like this – dragging ass to the last day, but this shit sucks! I have not played a video game for 3 months now. I have one week off between working here and law school. I plan to play enough video games in that week to get sick of them for the first semester of school. Like when Dad catches you smoking and makes you smoke the whole pack (which I think only happens in bullshit memoirs and TV shows).

Tuesday, July 13, 2004


Update: I have a job where I can pretty much come and go as I please. As long as I get my work done, I am golden. Of course, the reason I have done very well here (among other things) is I do not take advantage of this. When I need to leave early on rare days I do. If I need to come in late one day, I will. I have kept a pretty consistent schedule of 9 to 6 nearly everyday – one the busier times I will come in earlier and stay later, but they have been very sparse the last few months. I got my school schedule yesterday. Crap. It actually isn’t bad as far as times go (and I was excited to finally have some law school stuff to talk about on this shitty blog). It only says times on it, no classes. I guess they want to keep us in the dark until orientation. They are true masters of suspense. The law school seems to want to keep the students insulated from the rest of the university as far as administrative things go, so this schedule may turn out to be a bunch of bunk, since it seems to have come straight from the registrar. The letter also said PAY UP, BUDDY! Again, crap. Man, *news flash* law school blows as far as money is concerned. I hope JD finds a good job to support my lame-ass. M: 8:00 – 9:20 9:30 – 10:50 T: 8:00 – 9:20 9:30 – 10:50 W: 8:00 – 9:20 10:00 – 11:55 3:30 – 4:50 R: 8:00 – 9:20 9:30 – 10:50 3:30 – 4:50 F: 11:00 – 12:20 So, it seems that W and R are going to be long days, but then again, aren’t all days if I’m taking school seriously. I guess I am opening myself up to easier assassination attempts by posting a schedule of where I’ll be and at what times. I plan to find several paths to each class and walk all zigzaggy through campus in order to thwart snipers. I am also buying the accidental breakage protection for my laptop in case someone tries to blow me up or crush me from above.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

The Funky Cobblerino - Part II

So I didn't mention all the stuff I wanted to about TFC. Notes: . We think all he does is drink when he leaves work. We joke about it a lot, and I hope it isn't true, but I fear it may be. . He was saved by a lifeguard last summer in his neighborhood pool. He was trying to swim, without taking a breath, four lengths of the pool. As he was heading for his fourth lap, he blacked out. Next thing he knew, he was out of the pool puking up water. The lifeguard asked him to return the next day so he could take TFC's picture (I guess the lifeguard has a scrapbook of saved souls). Being grateful for his help, TFC said that, indeed, he would return. He never did. in fact, he doesn't go to that pool anymore out of embarrassment. TFC didn't report seeing a bright light or a noticeable increase in heat. . He spent a month at work immersed in study to earn a captain license for boating. He would come down daily with some mnemonics for remembering things. "Green, green, green. Danger extreme!" --- It means the boat with these lights on is laying landmines. It is my favorite. . He will work here way longer than he should . He has a huge window in his upstairs study. I mean giant. You could drive a truck through it. His plan for suicide (should he ever choose to) is to hook up his electric guitar, pump his amp up to max power, strum a chord, and plunge through the window to his death. Sweet. (He needs to buy a wireless pickup or a really long cable. It would suck to have the note cut out)

Saturday, July 10, 2004

More Brain Rot

Since I have only 4 weekends left before school's in, I am watching more TV than I should. Two things: So, there is this show on Discovery - Shark v. Alligator - Rhino v. Elephant - Polar Bear v. Walrus - etc. I thought it would be a show about seminal cases which shaped our society (the _____ v. _____ threw me). The show is stupid for so many reasons, but here is my biggest problem ---> Narrator: The team was able to assemble the shark model just in time! So, let me get this straight... There is a time limit on building the models? What happens if the model of the Elephant isn't built in time? Does the rhino win by default? Narrator: Sorry, due to the alligator model being 3 hours late, the shark takes it. He'll move on, well rested, to the semi-finals, where he'll take on the badger. Good luck! You know what I'd like to see? Munchkin v. Umpa Lumpa One more show - Real TV - so lame. Here is what I heard today: Narrator: ...and you can tell by the look on the Emu's face, he's happy to be going home. I couln't tell shit by the look on te Emu's face.

E! Gay.

So, Milton and I were watching Howard Stern on E! last night and I see a commercial for "The all new E! original show - Scream Test". What? If you aren't aware, Scream Test is played like thus: X numbers of contestants do crazy, frightening, gross stunts (eating disgusting food, walking across a building on a small beam, etc) with the hopes of having a better time/eating more than the other team in order to eliminate them. Hello! Fear Factor. Original. Right. I am going to make an original movie with a Wookie and a Jedi and a giant Death Star - I'm calling it: Gas Balls Wars. On Stern, they were playing 'Gay or Straight' - this is where a contestant can win some money if she can pick which guy of the three is not gay. Two are gay, one is straight. They asked a bunch of guy-ish questions and poor Milton couldn't answer any. You know, he can't name a single baseball or football player. Milton likes girls, for sure, but he can't pass a straight test where the liking of girls is not a factor. I'm thinking of writing him a straight guy cheat sheet. He can read it on his way to the Banana Republic.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Don't Know Shit - Wal-Mart Letter

I agree - law students shouldn't start a law blog when not yet in school. I am excited to get started and all, but what the hell is this dumbass blog supposed to be about? Ah... 5 weeks or so left... Okay how about this - Since Ditzy Genius (bless her) had a rant about Wal-Mart (a bit misguided in my opinion as free markets are the greatest gift to the world - ever) and I had sworn off ever going to Wal-Mart (lasted about 6 to 8 months) - I thought I would post my letter I sent to them a few years ago (my mom loves this letter) - their reply was basically to do nothing. Enjoy. October 17, 2001 To Whom It May Concern: My name is Law Fool. I am a 25 year old, middleclass, married, college graduate. Today was the very last time I will ever step foot into a Wal-Mart store. Today I was the first person in line (a true rarity in your notoriously understaffed checkout lines), and it still took me thirty plus minutes to purchase two tubes of chap stick, a golf glove, and a package of golf balls. The golf balls were not found in the register's computer system, so my cashier (Justyna) turned her light from solid to blinking. Nearly fifteen minutes later what appeared to be an assistant 'CSM' (Latoya?) lumbered her way towards the register. Upon reaching the register, the cashier explained the situation to the 'CSM', who then proceeded to page some one from sporting goods to call her back. To my surprise the phone quickly rang back and the 'CSM' explained which product was in question. Ten minutes then passed. After the 'CSM' had finally tired of mercilessly compressing the ground beneath her, she waddled off to the sporting goods department herself. Five minutes later she plodded her way back with the price: $5.92. I understand that everyone has an off day, however Wal-Mart has consistently been a source, for both me and my family, of the worst customer service in the entire retail industry. In my experience, many of the cashiers, customer service attendants, and managers are not only inept, but are at the apex of lethargy for their vocation, commitment to quality, and appearance. The store itself appears as if the restocking is done by removing the building's roof and dropping in the merchandise from airplanes above. As I stated above, I will never shop at your store again. I am young, in good health, and make a decent living. I have decades of consuming ahead of me, all of which will be done with your rivals. I will encourage my relatives, friends, and co-workers to shop elsewhere as well. I am not a fool. I know that Wal-Mart is the juggernaut of juggernauts when it comes to the world of retail sales. But, if history is any indication, all giants rise and fall. It may be years and years before your double- digit growth rates subside, but one day they will. And, when the day comes that your stores begin to close, I will feel that in my own little way, I helped to speed along the process. Law Fool Roswell, GA

House Hunting

So, JD is down in South Florida while I finish up here in Atlanta (read: surf the net for four more weeks until I absolutely have to stop taking The Company’s money). Since JD quit her road to management at Starbucks, her job is to find a new job. We need benefits and some money to survive. Her other job is to find us a damn place to live. You would think that being unemployed, she would have plenty of time to go house/apartment hunting down near the university. However, the most progress we made was on the one day I spent down in Miami over the July 4th weekend. On that day we stumbled upon a nice area with several units for rent. We called many of them and saw one. The one we saw was older, but well maintained 2 bedrooms 1 bath – 1K a month. This is a little steep from where the city where we live now, but we have come to find that it isn’t too bad for the Gables area so close to school. The next day she got a call from the owner of one of the other units we inquired about. The owner set up an appointment with JD to check out the place on the next day. The place was almost exactly the same, but only (only, it is hard to say only when talking about so much cash) $900 a month. And, it is owned by a judge (appeals court) who also went to the University of Miami some 30 years ago. He lived there while he was at school. Sounds perfect, huh? Yeah, well… Being the due diligence type of guy I am, I had JD go out one more day and see if there was anything cheaper that was somewhat decent. Her efforts were fruitless, so we decided to call the judge. Only 24 hours later, and the judge informed us that he had already rented it. Crap! JD said he sounded a bit bummed himself. She thinks he likes the idea of another UM law student in the place. He told her he would see what he could do, and that she should call him back today at 11:30. Fingers crossed, but pretty sure it is gone. Lame. By the way, do you call him ‘Your Honor’ when talking to him about the sink being stopped up? Grrrr…

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Friends at Work - TFC

Friends at work – The Funky Cobblerino I am starting a new series here on Law Fool. I am going to profile a friend whom I work with. This is for my enjoyment – so when I’m gone, I can look back at those I have enjoyed. I am still quasi anonymous (especially because no one reads this), so I will use fake names loosely based off of the real name. First up: The Funky Cobblerino. The Funky Cobblerino is a mysterious fellow. As far as anyone knows, he has never shown up to any outside get-togethers save for one and he does not invite people to his home. He claims to have no contact with high school friends and only ties to one college friend who now lives in Germany. Although he claims no have no contact with former college roommates and friends, he has told a legendary story about a Chinese grad student: Seems there was this Chinese guy who lived in the graduate housing. On day one, he took his mattress and threw it into the closet – he then dumped all his clothes onto the bed frame – and slept on his clothing for the rest of the year. The guy would also chop away at his hair over the kitchen sink. Once, The Funky Cobblerino was asked to drive this student to the airport. The student was going back to China for about a month long visit. He carried only a backpack with him when picked up by The Funky Cobblerino. In the backpack was a pair of rollerblades and a couple of packs of chicken breasts. An 18 hour flight with no refrigeration. Mmm, mmm, mmm. The Funky Cobblerino is, by far, the favorite of all in the little crew I hang with. He is the most disgruntled employee you might ever find, yet he continues to do the work asked of him at a pretty high caliber. The problem these days is that no real work is being asked of him (or most anyone). TFC doesn’t hide from this though. He will say, to anyone listening, that he is doing nothing. His boss, his bosses boss, etc… He doesn’t try to hide that he is doing nothing, because he doesn’t want to be doing nothing. He wants to work – is ready to work – is a good worker – alas, there is no work. Our bosses keep fighting over work, but once they are given the task, his doesn’t seem to care if it ever really gets done. He has taken it upon himself to try and bring down The Biggest Liar Ever (TBLE) at The Company. Since TFC is so honest about his lack of work, he gets very angry when others, who have a chance to work, don’t. More than that – TFC is sickened by TBLE because he gets away with fooling his boss into thinking he is actually working. TBLE is so worthless and so dishonest that TFC can’t stand to work with him. TFC keeps teetering on the verge of quitting (which he’ll never do, but we’ll get to that later). Things TFC has done in his quest to ‘get’ TBLE: . bought a camera phone in order to snap covert photos of TBLE . chased TBLE down the stairs at work to try and catch him stealing . shutdown TBLE’s Unix server for days to prove that TBLE is doing nothing . asked him to prove certain claims in group meetings in order to expose TBLE’s lies . rummaged through TBLE’s office to catalog stolen goods These are just a few, mind you. Although TFC never goes anywhere or invites anyone over, I had the privilege of being involved at the time he did each of these things. He has only done them each once, as far as I know. How lucky am I? The time when he came out was when another co-worker had some cheap golf at a somewhat expensive course. TFC loves to golf, so whatever daemons he has were held at bay for the outing.. He is a pretty decent golfer, but the rest of us suck. We tore the hell out of this posh course. We were butchers. Then there was the time he asked me to help him move some large items to his new home. Being the large guy I am, he had to break down the wall for a day and ask me to come to both his old and his new home. A freaking piano and solid oak entertainment center. It was a bitch, but a small price to pay in order to enter his inner sanctum.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004


Back to work. Only five weeks left. This weekend I went down to South Florida for the holiday. It was my final trip to South Florida before I become a resident (again) of South Florida. I have started to lose my resistance to the sweltering, humid, South Florida heat. It was ten in the evening when I was trying to change a car battery in our car and I was covered in sweat. As soon as you leave the air-conditioned confines of your home or car, you become one giant science experiment of bodily fluids mixed with air moisture and gnats. Little buggers! Stick to my sweaty, gluey, skin! I’m like human fly paper. They get in your nose and eyes and mouth and ears and hair and wherever. I was hanging out with a good friend of mine, Ned. He is buying a townhouse. Man, are prices crazy in Ft. Lauderdale! He is spending more on his townhouse than we paid (and sold) our 4 bedroom, 3 bath, ½ acre lot, house for here in Georgia. I kept thinking what a fool I am to leave a great house, a good paying job, and the small life I have created here to chase some quasi dream of becoming a do-good lawyer. I really thought I might be making the wrong choice, but then I flew back home. On the plane, when you leave Ft. Lauderdale, you fly over the coast and then turn around to head up to Atlanta. Wow! The beach, the sand, the hotels lining the shore, the ships headed off to South America or down around Africa. It was beautiful. Not that Georgia doesn’t have beauty. It does. But Florida is my state. It is my home. I warmed up when I saw it. I didn’t second guess myself. I can’t wait to be back for a while – maybe for good.

Monday, July 05, 2004

Fahrenheit 9/11

My Review of Fahrenheit 9/11 Everyone bloggin’ seems to be writing their reviews of this movie, so I thought I’d take a stab as well. As the movie started I knew I was in for something special when the man behind me started to talk about “some small African nation” in which “some dictator” was “like Bush”. He was obviously quite worldly, and wanted his friend, and others within earshot, to know he had some profound and scholarly world views. Not just world views about Europe either. He was also aware of some small African nation and how it paralleled the Bush Administration. Fascinating. About ¼ through the movie, this gentleman seemed to ingest a kernel of popcorn ‘down the wrong pipe’. He hacked and hacked and hacked and hacked and wheezed and wheezed and hacked and wheezed. This was great! He started by trying to do it low and discrete, but soon he was all out coughing for all to enjoy. The best part was that his was directly behind me, so I got nice blasts of air as well as speckles of spit and phlegm on my neck with every outburst. Great. About thirty minutes after incessant hacking, he finally decided to get up and leave the theater, however, the master that this man was – he spilled his ice-filled soda on the way out. It fell to the floor with a loud TWUMP-SPLASH. Classic. Not to be outdone, the two women in front of me made every effort to show how in to the movie they were. With every new revelation in the film they could be heard saying things like: “Hmmm”, “Tsk”, “Ah hmm”, etc. One of the women was so bright that she answered many of the movies questions out loud, with startling insight: Narrator Moore: “And who do you think the Saudi’s sent the 10 billion dollar check to?” Woman: “Bush.” Amazing. (Although she was often off the mark a bit, it was only a bit. She basically just kept saying Bush when the real answer to the rhetorical question was a company Bush or some one in his administration had a stake in, but she was direct – why beat around the bush – seriously, no pun here) That was about it. Another trip to the movie where the audience has thrown out any social compact once agreed upon for the movies. Lots of talking, noises, standing, breathing, coughing, snorting, grunting, ringing, etc. I guess I can watch it in the comfort of my own home when I comes out on DVD. Then the only grunting I hear will be my own.